The King and I
by Sabichan-shijin
Summary: Starring Inu as the King of the West Naraku, King of the North Sango as a vicious Amazonian Terror and Miroku as her husband and main source of annoyance Kagome as a healer and a few other familiar faces along the way.Classic Pairings, a not so classic Se
1. Keeping your promises

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Chapter 1  
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It was twitching again.

It wasn't obvious, but give or take a few minutes, his eye would start going completely spastic. I wasn't sure if I could hold in the laugh this time…

Sigh…

"…and then the last thing we need is an uprising. My lord, we've discussed this before! Your father had specific wishes, to be fulfilled at least five years after he died-it's been _seven_." _'Oh Gods there it goes!'_

"Your people want answers."

I coughed, hiding my mouth behind a hand as I struggled to look elsewhere. I focused my attention on my brother sitting to my left. He was twiddling his thumbs, and didn't seem to notice I was looking at him.

"My lord?"

"Can't we just tell them I'm not ready?"

I could feel the waves of frustration rolling off my top advisor. Then again, I was pretty used to this by now-we went about this same argument at least once a week.

Glancing up, I stared at the dancing eye muscles, wondering if he knew…

"Lord, that is no longer the answer to satisfy them. That's been your excuse for the past two years. We can't wait any longer. There is too much talk of instability. Too many whispers. This can't go on. You need to find a **queen**!"

I will admit things have gotten rough the past couple of years. We've had to quell a few uprisings here and there, but the threat was always present. Spies could no longer be counted on to watch everything and everyone. I knew deep inside, Myouga was right-I had to get married or my country would spin out of control.

It's always been a mystery to me why I was even in this throne, why I wore this stupid crown, and especially why the oblivious little twit next to me wasn't in my place. He was older! Wasn't the eldest supposed to assume the damn throne? Where was the justice?

Then again, I knew my father had made his choice for a reason. My brother…he was an odd fellow to say the least. We've always been exact opposites, him and I. Where he is quiet and stately, I'm loud and brash. He is perfectly fine with the formality of the court, whereas I'd rather be off, trekking through the mud somewhere. Our differences had been apparent since childhood-not much had changed.

Of course there was always that other minor detail…Sesshomaru was scared of people. Not just other demons and not just humans-he was scared of _everyone_.

No one really knows why, and he's never admitted it aloud. But it's plain as day, even now as he still refuses to make eye contact with anyone else in the room.

That's why I sit here now, having my entire life orchestrated by various simpletons who can't get a clue that I don't want to get married. Hell, I've never even spared more than a second glance at a woman let alone consider bedding one. I suppose when you look at it, that's where Sess and I are most alike-our fear of women.

Suddenly the throne room doors slid open violently.

"Lord! Hey, Lord!"

'_Speaking of one such Amazonian terror…'_

I hardly even blinked before I was out of my seat and headed for the nearest door.

"HEY DON'T YOU RUN FROM ME!"

gulp

I took a sharp turn and dived out the open window instead. Once on the grass, I made haste towards my only safe haven-that big tall tree in the distance.

I cast only a single glance back as her screams carried on the wind.

"I'll get you Inuyasha! How dare you teach Kohaku that word!"

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It was almost dark before I decided to head back home.

'_Home-is that what this place is?'_

As I passed over the tall stone wall guarding the mansion, I began to wonder what exactly made it my home. Was it because I'd lived here and only here for my entire life? Because my family had built it, because my father had ruled from here?

What was it about this place that kept me here?

"Inuyasha? You're back?"

I looked up to see a pair of bright blue eyes watching me from beneath auburn bangs. I smirked, and made my way to the youth sitting on the stable fence.

"Yeah, runt. What's with the look?"

"I wasn't sure if you'd come back tonight. Sango's still pretty pissed at you."  
Self-consciously, I peered over each shoulder, making sure the woman in question was nowhere in sight.

"She's in her room, washing out Kohaku's mouth."  
"With soap?"  
"No, acid." He quipped rolling his eyes. Abruptly, he found himself suspended by his tail, eye to eye with me.

"Do you wanna go join him, brat?"  
"Nope," was his only reply before I released him. I continued on my way to the house, barely registering his weight as he climbed up to ride on my shoulder.

"Well, my lord, it's good to see you home."

I gave a dismissive wave to the violet eyed man sitting on the front steps. As he rose to follow me inside, the metal rings on his staff jangled annoyingly.

"Where's the wench?" I asked quietly.

"If by wench, you mean my very angry wife, she's still punishing her brother. For _your_ wrongdoing may I add."  
"Keh. If the kid happens to repeat what I say without better sense, I don't see how it's my fault. I mean, if ya give a monkey a katana, and the monkey kills someone, who are ya gonna blame? The _monkey_?"  
"What if it was a monkey youkai?" Shippo chirped in. I rolled my eyes.

"It's not, it's a hypothetical, normal monkey."

"You know that statement actually doesn't defend you in any way, right?" Miroku asked dryly. I merely shrugged in response.  
"Well, then was it in self-defense? Did he kill the person who gave him the sword or someone else? And why would he give him one if he knew the monkey was just gonna kill him with right after…"

Even as he was unceremoniously shoved off my shoulder, he continued to scamper after the monk and I, asking questions about the rampant, homicidal sword-monkey.

I ignored him, mentally debating whether or not to make a dramatic rescue of the poor kid now having his mouth cleaned, or to just hole up in my room until Sango's anger waned.

I decided on neither and just kept walking. Miroku eventually stopped following me, instinctively knowing he had to rescue him on his own, and Shippo followed. Alone I walked down the long halls, blatantly ignoring the "evening, my lord" that I got from each guard I passed. Finally I reached the furthest room of the mansion, and slid the door aside.

Inside, the room was dimly lit by simple candles, and a faint yet unobtrusive scent of recently extinguished incense hung in the air.

'_Sesshomaru must've been in here…poor guy…I bet he misses mom more than I do."_

I sat down before the low altar situated in the middle, and gazed at the portrait hanging on the wall directly behind it. Izayoi, my mother, was smiling back at me in her gentle way.

It'd been at least six years since she'd died. Almost exactly one year after my father had passed away.

Myouga and the others had said it was from heartache, over losing my father. That answer had been plain enough without them saying so. The love between my father and my mother was the stuff of fairytales and legends. Women told their story to their children before bedtime.

After all, a full blooded dog-demon doesn't just marry a simple human woman everyday.

My father, Sugimi, was the ruler of the entire western lands. Our kingdom stretched far beyond the borders of the horizon, and I had never once been out of our lands. Neither had Sess, or even my mother in that case.

The kingship had run in my family for generations, always passing from father to son, father to son, blah, blah, blah…

But when it came to Dad, things went a little differently. The fact was, the title of heir had never gone to the youngest, and certainly not one with less than full demon blood.

That of course, is what I am.

I'm half human, I'm half demon, and I'm in charge of so many people, it's scary.

The humans, peasants and such, make up most of my subjects. Then of course there is the court itself, made up almost solely of youkai. There are a few influential mortal lords, but for the most part, demons are pretty much the royalty.

Since the power had shifted to me, things had become a little more than just unsteady. My mixed blood has been the source of all the "whispers" Myouga had mentioned earlier. Most of the court was finding it hard to accept my rule, since half-bloods have never been looked on too keenly. Of course that's not the only thing they've been gossiping about…

I've been putting off something for a long time now. A promise that I made to my father right after he died, a promise I then seconded to my mother before her own demise.

I promised that by the time I hit the age of fifteen, I would have found a queen fit to rule the land by my side.

Fifteen seemed a little too young to me when it actually rolled around- so I put if off for a few months. That few months eventually turned into an entire year, which in turn became two years. The longer I put if off, the more tense the court became.

That's why I was backed into the corner every week or so by my advisors. They claimed that if I didn't at least fulfill that promise soon, things were going to get much, much worse.

Especially with the Lord of the North. Naraku was trouble, and in due time, an invasion was to be expected. After all, my father had stolen his wife…

It was weird to say the least. Almost silly. This whole rivalry between our countries was all because of one woman. All because she chose her heart over her duty-because she loved my father with every fiber of her being, that she left the man she'd been contracted to marry since her birth.

Needless to say, that's why we'd never wandered outside the borders. Things had been tense with the North since I could understand what tension was. And now that my father had gone and died…

I knew they were right. All of them-Myouga, Miroku, Sango-hell, even the runt had told me to find a girl already.

But I was afraid. I was scared shitless, to be honest.

And why not?

Love was a scary, powerful thing. It could either ruin my life, or make it better, but why take the gamble? When my parents were alive, love was more than abundant, happiness was a constant part of my life. But after Dad, everything went downhill quickly. I'd basically watched my mother fade away before my eyes. She died because she loved him, because she couldn't live without him.

So why the hell would I put myself in a position to do the very same? The world was fickle and dangerous. Why would I risk my life for something that might very well kill me in the end?

But…

Afraid or not-I had made a promise. And above all, I would die before I broke it. If I ran the risk of infatuation, then so be it. My mother had taken the risk, so had my father. If they hadn't, I wouldn't be here.

I sighed deeply, and took another lingering glance at Izayoi, the beauty who'd live forever in legends and tales. Her absence was what made me wonder what home really was. But being in this room, knowing her spirit, and my father's still watched over me, brought me the kind of peace I'd never admit to.

So if anything, I ruled for them. I took the place I was given, I watched over the people they had placed in my care. I called this place my home because it was still their home.

I stayed because of them.

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Thanks for reading!

Sabichan


	2. The plan unfolds

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Chapter 2  
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"Do you think he'll really do it this time?"

Kohaku simply shrugged, spitting on the ground below him, then taking another sip of water.

"I dunno. Aneue says he has no choice anymore. Things are getting bad. Remember last week, when they arrested that Lord-what was his name?"  
"Menomaru?"

"Yeah, him. Well, Miroku told me he was trying to get some of the other lords to join him in an uprising."  
"I knew he was sneaky! He always called me a brat and stuff."  
"So does Inuyasha."

"Yeah, but he doesn't mean it. He loves me, I know he does. He's just not very good at showing it in a normal way."  
"Yeah, he is kinda anti-emotional sometimes." He agreed, punctuated with another bubbly spit. "Ugh…this tastes like _shit_!"  
"OOO! You didn't learn your lesson, did you!" The young kitsune teased, pointing and poking him.

"Aneue is just over-protective. Besides, no one ever washes Inuyasha's mouth out when he curses!"  
"If anyone did, he'd of been dead from soap poisoning long ago."

Both shared a chuckle as they looked out over the landscape before them. Sitting up on the roof gave them a perfect view of the town almost a mile down the hillside. It was one of Inuyasha's usual thinking spots, therefore the favorite of the two boys who looked up to him so much.

"So how did they catch him anyway?"  
"The first guy he went to was actually a spy. I wonder if how they'll punish him?"  
"You don't think they'll execute him do you?"  
"Nah, I don't think that's ever happened since Inuyasha became king. They'll most likely end up exiling him."  
Shippo nodded in acknowledgement, and Kohaku spit again, this time narrowly missing a guard walking by below them.

"Kohaku! Shippo! You two get down from there!"  
"But we just got up here! You know how hard that was?"  
"Yeah! I had to carry him up!" Shippo added.  
"It's dangerous. Don't make me tell your sister!"  
He'd barely had time to finish the threat before Shippo had transformed into his bubble form, and Kohaku was climbing atop.

Seeing that they were on their way down, he shook his head disapprovingly as he walked away.

"Damn kids…"

Moments later, the guard reached his destination, the king's chambers. He straightened his haori, cleared his throat, and lifted his hand to knock.

Instead, the door swung open, and there stood an annoyed Lord.

"What?"  
"My Lord. You heard me?"  
With a roll of his eyes, he simply pointed to the furry ears adorning his head.

"My apologies, My Lord."  
"Whatever, just make this quick. I have a council to prepare for tomorrow."

"Very well, sire. I was told to inform you that Master Totousai has finished honing your sword." He handed him the sheathed katana that had been entrusted with him.  
"Good, took long enough."

The door shut abruptly, and the guard found himself standing alone the dark hallway.

"Brat...," he mumbled, and turned to walk away.

"I _heard_ that!"

He made a run for it, before the already angry lord decided to test the sword's sharpness on **him**.

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"You're a disgrace to this Kingdom! Your father was a sentimental old fool, to think a simple _hanyou_ could rule this land!"

I made no move to reply, only watched as the traitorous lord was dragged out of the throne room.

He'd come under the guise of business, and the moment my back was turned, made his move. A dagger-a stupid _dagger_.

"More like a splinter…," I mumbled, casting a glance at the inferior weapon lying on the ground. But the sight of it on the floor was both symbolic and sobering-things were beyond bad.

This man had been one my father's more trusted Lords-to have him make an attempt showed that the court was starting to crumble.

A tentative knock on the door broke me from my thoughts.

"Who is it?"  
"Me."  
"Who's me?" I replied gruffly. The door edged open, and Sesshomaru appeared.  
"Me."  
"Well whaddya want?"  
"I just heard what happened. I guess you're not dead then. Who was it?"  
"Ryuukotsei."  
The grim face he made told me he understood the situation. I sighed, and plopped down in the chair to my right. He bent down to examine my almost-murder weapon.

"He thought this was gonna kill you?"  
"Yep. Probably thought he was just gonna stab me until a bunch of times instead of just lopping my head off or something."

"What are you gonna do to him?"  
"Exile."  
"Why don't you execute him? He tried to kill you."  
I shrugged, and stuck my hands in my sleeves, directing my gaze to the window. It wasn't that I'd feared for my life. This was just getting ridiculous now. I had to do something and do it soon.

I didn't understand why it was so important to these people that I had a queen. As far as ruling went, I'd done pretty well- no wars, no famines. Nothing serious had happened here since before my father died.

So what the fuck was the problem? Just because I didn't have some twit sitting in that chair next to mine? _That_ made me a bad ruler?

"You know you have to do it right? Get married?"  
I nodded. He leaned against the table, and began twiddling his thumbs again.

"Myouga says it should be someone from the North. Says it'll help our relations with Naraku if he sees were trying to reach out to them."  
"Yeah. Maybe if I grab some woman from there and put a crown on her head, he'll get off my ass about what Dad did. Like it was my fault I was fucking born."  
"Mom was beautiful-it probably really hurt him when she left."

I looked at him, noting the thoughtful expression on his face. He was no doubt entertaining some random memory of her. It always made me curious why he referred to my mother as "Mom", while his own was simply called by her name. He'd never had a close relationship with her, and I had to admit, from what I'd heard, she'd never been much of a parent to him. My father had been contracted to marry her, but she'd died six years after she gave birth to Sesshomaru. He got her gracefulness, but certainly not her confidence or harsh tongue. Maybe she was the key to his shyness.

"I heard most of the princesses there are ugly. That's what Shippo said."  
"He would know, wouldn't he? That's where he's from."  
"Yeah. Maybe there's a pretty one, though. Even if you don't want to marry her, the least you could do is find one easy to look at."  
I chuckled, enjoying the wit he usually hid behind his social phobia. When it was just him and me, he spoke more animatedly, more freely and honestly.

"What about you? You should've been married off a long time ago. What's your excuse?"  
He blanched at my question, and looked away.

"Well, I …just haven't found…you know, the right girl."  
"You haven't found any girl. In fact, you've never even bothered looking."  
"Neither have you!" He grinned with self-satisfaction when I didn't bother denying it.

He sat down in the throne, then. I watched as he ran his hands over the rich exterior, the smooth wood of the armrests.

I had the sudden urge to tell him how right he looked sitting there. He was the perfect image of regality, there on my father's throne. That was where he really belonged, if only he could get passed his insecurities.

I didn't get the chance, as at that moment, Myouga burst into the room.

"Lord Inuyasha, this is the last straw! I refuse to wait any longer for an answer!"

I couldn't help it-I burst into a fit of laughter at the mere sight of him. Both eyes were twitching like mad, and it didn't help that his face was as red as a cherry.

He slammed his fist down on the table.  
"If this continues, _I'll_ be the next one trying to stab you to death! Lord Sugimi, Kami rest his soul, never treated his responsibilities so casually!"  
Finally, my laughter died out, and I began to regard his words.

I knew he was right. Things had escalated to the point where I could no longer waver. This was going to happen, and it was going to happen soon.

Suddenly, his twitching wasn't so funny anymore. He seemed to calm some, and spoke more softly.

"My Lord, This is simply in our best interest. And not just this house, but for your people. What will become of them if you are assassinated, and the throne is up for grabs? Can you imagine the bloodshed? And if Naraku were to invade…"

"He won't get the chance. I'll do it."

He looked torn between being shock and elated. His eyelids did a dance in pure mirth, and he bowed profusely.

"My Lord, I'm so relieved! Let us make contact with the other kingdoms right away, and find your queen. I hear the North has some of the fairest princesses in the whole of the Land!"

I glanced at Sesshomaru. Shippo had snuck into the room a few moments ago, and was currently making cutting motions from atop my brother's shoulder.

"No, no that's not necessary!" I said quickly. Myouga furrowed his brow in confusion.

"My Lord, it's all in the interest of peace. If you were to marry into the Northern Kingdom-"  
"Look I know, you've told me for the past seven years!"

"Then what is the problem?"

I was silent for a moment. I wasn't sure what to say. I knew that no matter what I did, I wasn't going to come out of this a winner. I could just let Myouga have his way, and marry into the North, or contact the other kingdoms. Either way, I was going to end up with a wife I didn't know, and would probably never love. I should have been used to not having any say in things that concerned my personal life, but for some reason…I just couldn't do it. I couldn't let it go.

Maybe it was because my mother's words kept floating back to me, echoing in my head. When I'd renewed the promise I'd made to my father on this deathbed, she'd made me swear something else as well.

She made me promise to be happy.

It sounded impossible at the time, mostly because I could tell she didn't have much time left. But I'd agreed nonetheless, not wanting to deny her a peaceful and worry free passing.

I realized that if I simply picked some princess from a lineup, I would never fulfill that promise. I would be making Myouga very happy-but not me.

I had to do this my way.

"Myouga. I want to choose the woman I marry. I'm going to do this on my own."  
"Lord Inuyasha-I don't understand."

"Don't contact anyone. I'm going myself to find her, and I won't take no for an answer. If I'm going to do this, I want to be happy with whomever I choose. You can't tell me that that's not my decision. This is the one thing that is up to me and me alone."

He nodded slowly, his eyes softening. He looked over his shoulder at Sesshomaru and Shippo, who had been watching the conversation with great interest.

"I know you never wanted this for yourself. To be honest, my Lord, I didn't look forward to this position when your father named you as heir. I knew I was going to have to keep you in line, to hound you for everything. You were a free spirit as a child, and not much has changed. I hated to wall you in like this, knowing you'd rather be out there," he gestured to the window, and its view of the horizon.

"Then you understand why I need this."

"I will do everything in my power to help you my Lord. Though I'm afraid you don't realize the great risks that this poses for us."

I frowned.

"What do you mean?"  
He sighed, and sat down finally. Shippo scampered over to my shoulder, and Sess joined us at the table.

"This attempt on your life was not unforeseen. Almost every lord in your court has a problem with your lack of a partner. We've always known, the majority would love to take your place, to attain that throne. Lord, if you leave, even if to do this to appease them, your mere absence would create chaos. The throne will be empty, and in their eyes, since there is no heir, it is up for the taking."  
"So you mean since no one can take my place while I'm gone, those bastards are gonna usurp me?"

He nodded grimly. I was crushed almost instantly, realizing that even though he'd agreed that I should be able to choose for myself, I didn't even have an opportunity to do so. If I left, my kingdom would fall apart.

"I'll take your place."

All eyes turned to the one who'd spoken.

"Sesshomaru, what the hell are you babbling about?"  
He set his jaw, looking more confident than I'd ever seen him. It was confusing, but actual determination shone in his eyes.

"I'm not babbling. I'm saying I'll take your place on the throne while you're gone."  
"But you can't even talk to your chamber maid without biting your damn nails off. How the hell do you think you're going to rule a fucking kingdom?"  
"I can do it. I know I can. It won't be easy, but if Myouga can help me, I know I'll succeed. I'm not completely useless-this is my land, too. It's about time I earned my keep."

We continued to stare at him, bewildered and very surprised. Finally Myouga shook his head.

"I'm afraid we can't do that, Lord Sesshomaru. As honorable as your intentions are, I don't think that the court would accept your rule. In fact, it would only serve to endanger your life. To be blunt, Lord, you've never been seen as king material. For you to assume this power…I don't think you'd last a week."

Sesshomaru looked crestfallen. Glancing up at me, he smiled apologetically.

"I'm sorry. I just wanted to help you. I'm just not of any use."

I smirked wide, and put a reassuring hand on his shoulder.

"A week is all I need."

It was my turn to be gawked at.

"My Lord!"  
"Look, he wants to do it. And I know he can. I'm sure I can find someone decent enough in that amount of time to convince to marry me. Of course it'll be even easier for him to rule if he _is _me."  
"What?"

I turned my gaze to the kid, who looked just as confused as the rest of them.  
"Shippo-I know you can do this. Make Sesshomaru look like me."

The Kit seemed to swell with pride and nodded once firmly before hopping up onto the table. He pulled a leaf from his vest, and flung it at my anxious brother. Sesshomaru disappeared in a flash of smoke, and not a moment later, I was staring at myself beside me.

"How's that?" Shippo asked cockily, his smirk reminiscent of my own.

"Amazing! You can't even tell the difference!" Myouga excitedly examined my new twin, looking for any discrepancies.

"How did you do this?"  
"Keh-Kitsune are notorious for shape-shifting. We pulled a joke on Sango like this two months after I brought the runt here, so Miroku and me could confuse the hell out of her. Problem is-"

I was cut of by another cloud of smoke, and the reappearance of my brother.

"It doesn't last very long."

"Oh." Myouga looked disappointed.

"Although I'm sure I could remedy that."

A calm, confident voice called out from the doorway, and we all turned. There was Miroku, practically strutting towards us, a superior smile on his face.

"I can add some of my own power to his spell. I'm positive I can make it last for much longer than a single week as well."

"How long were you listening?"

"Long enough. So…when do we leave?"

"_We_?" I asked, raising an eyebrow.  
"Certainly you weren't thinking to go on your own? You've never been to the borders, much less past them. I happen to consider myself a worldly traveler, and could be very useful."  
"Did you and Sango argue again? Is that why you're so eager to leave?"

He glanced over each shoulder nervously, before he composed himself again.

"Of course not! I'm simply extending my services to my Lord and friend. Needless to say being away from beautiful wife will be difficult, but she certainly would understand the importance of my accompanying you."

We all glared flatly at him, seeing right through his smooth talking façade.

"Whatever. Well, you and the runt work on this. Myouga and I need to teach my brother how to be an asshole."  
"And a king!" Shippo chimed in, as he hopped up to Miroku's shoulder. I flipped him off as they walked away, and the brat just stuck his tongue out at me.

I turned back to Sesshomaru, and extended my hand. He shook it, and we both smiled.  
"Welcome to my life-hope you realize what you've gotten yourself into."

"I'll make Mom and Dad proud. I promise."

Everything seemed to just fit together after that day. I knew it would take some time to actually get Sesshomaru used to being me, but after only three days looking like me, he really got the hang of it. It was probably the first time in my life I'd heard my brother cursing-it was weird as hell to say the least.

Miroku and I made preparations for our trip into the North. The same change spell was used on me, granting me with my human appearance at all times. That was going to take some getting used to. I'd never had black hair during the daytime; I'd never had brown eyes in the sunlight. I'd never felt so common on a time other than the night of the new moon.

Shippo begged and pleaded, and even resorted to crying, wanting to come along. But I knew it would be too much trouble trying to look after him. I didn't have a fucking year to get this done with. Sesshomaru, as well as he was doing, would not last all that long in my place. Sooner or later, something would slip, or some angry lord would notice me not being myself-someone would catch on, and the whole damn kingdom would fall apart.

So he finally agreed to stay, if only to be the guard of my brother's appearance. If anything went wrong with the spell, Shippo would be the only one who could correct it. Sango was right-if you gave the Kit a damn title, he'd do anything you asked. Stupid kids….

Finally, on the fourth day, we set out for the North, on our way to finding my new queen.

Though it was tradition for me to marry into another ruling family, Myouga assured me that as long as the girl had at least an ounce of noble blood, I was in the clear.  
Miroku actually did turn out to be extremely useful. He knew his way around as well as he'd said, even around the area of the border. Which was good, because I'd never been out that far in my life.

It was strange to see the people whom I ruled over, yet never laid eyes on or vice versa. I got to wondering what it felt like to be one of them. To wake up in the morning, knowing that if I didn't work, I wasn't going to eat.

My kingdom was in no way poor, but the needy would always exist in any society. From my point of view, it had always seemed very distant-but now I was right in the middle of real life.

Crossing the border itself was easy enough. The outer guards had been warned beforehand by courier, so they were prepared for my passing. I found it hilarious that they actually thought Miroku was the king, despite the obvious appearance of a monk. Well, you don't have to be a genius to swing a damn sword…

So almost six days after the last attempt on my life, I stepped onto Northern soil for the first time.

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I wanted the Sesshomaru in this story to be the antithesis of his actual characterization in the anime/manga.

Anyway, this story makes me laugh, which is the reason why I kept writing it instead of scraping it. I hope you guys like it too.

Thanks so much for reading!

Sabichan


	3. OUCH

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Chapter 3  
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"All I need to know is one thing, Father, and I will accept the terms."  
"What do you need to know?"

Kikyo smiled, a rare and rather unnerving sight, a coy look in her eyes.

"Is he cute?"

Her father, the lord King, rolled his eyes, not believing that he was actually going to have to answer such a question. But his youngest daughter was set in her ways, and would settle for no less.

"He's gorgeous, a veritable God amongst men. Does this please you?"  
"I do hope you're not joking, because I did happen to pick up on your ill-disguised sarcasm. But yes, your answer does please me. I'll agree to marry him, and on your life, you better be telling me the truth."

Her words were threatening, as always, but he'd long grown used to it. He breathed a sigh of relief as she left the throne room, fanning herself though the night was actually a bit chilly.

"Where did I go wrong? My firstborn was never this hard to…no wait, she was, wasn't she? Rotten girl, gone and run off on me. Just like **she** did."

He fisted his hand at the mere thought of the woman who should have been his queen. But she'd left him, breaking her honorable contract, for the Inu-youkai who happened to rule the neighboring kingdom. It was ridiculous, and a slap in the face.

Revenge had always been the one thing he'd set his mind on, and for years he dreamed of stealing her back. But once she'd born her first son to that Dog, he knew there was no way to do so. Izayoi was gone from the world of the living now as well. That was another hitch in the plan…

"My Lord Naraku- I have news from the Western Kingdom."  
"Go ahead," he mumbled, not even bothering to look from the roaring fire before him to see who was speaking. But from the monotonous voice, it was only obvious.

"It seems the Lord Ryuukoutsei has been banished from his homeland, for an attempt on King Inuyasha's life. He has requested aid from both the South and the East, but they have denied him amnesty. Now he seeks refuge in your lands. My lord, what is your reply?"

He watched the flames lick the air above the glowing embers, half chocking on the words he knew he had to utter.

Oh, what an unjust life, to practically bow to the young king, the one he was currently asking his daughter to marry.

"Tell him to seek aid on the lowest depths of hell. I can't take in a traitor of the land I need to join, Kanna. Now leave me, I'm pissed."

He heard the rustle of her clothing as she bowed and left the room.

Kikyo was a beautiful girl. After all, she was _his_ daughter, he thought with a bitter laugh.

No doubt she would be able to win over the hanyou ruler, successfully joining the two kingdoms. Oh, but how it stung, what harsh blows to his pride. Who could have known the boy would turn out to be such a fine ruler, while he, a man of great military and political skill, could hardly turn a profit in his own lands?

"I'm but a plaything for the Gods; amusement at my suffering. Curse them all."

In a fit of anger, he tossed the marriage proposition he'd been working on into the dancing flames. As the paper scattered into ashes, he desperately wished his ill-fortune would follow suit, and simply melt away.

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Mud.

Could there be anything more complex?

To many, it was simply an annoyance, an eye-sore, and something to be avoided while walking or riding.

But to me, it was a paradox of mind-blowing proportions. Just think about it!

Here, you had what was literally the _dirt_iest substance on the earth; then, it mixed with what was unquestionably the _cleanest_ substance to create yet _another_ substance.

And there you had it-Mud.

As I watched Miroku carefully hopping from rock to rock, avoiding the muddy road at all costs, I wondered if perhaps I was the only one who actually liked the feel of the stuff squishing between his toes. I'd always been told I was an odd child.

"My Lord, You should-"  
"Stop calling me that, asshole! You trying to get me killed!"

The monk faltered in his footing, mostly in reaction to his own slip up .

"My mistake!"

"Stop being such a girl, and walk like normal. It comes off you know."  
"Inuyasha, have you noticed how I'm the one who's clean and dry, and rather far ahead, while you're bogged down and miserable looking, far behind me? I believe it may be because of my common sense, avoiding the _cold,_ _wet_ mud. But, please, I could be wrong. I claim to be no expert on the matter."  
I didn't answer with words, instead choosing a good handful of the muck aimed at his back. I threw, but missed by about a good ten feet. Maybe I was a little far behind…

Traveling had gone much slower than we'd anticipated. Leave it us to embark on the first day of the rainy season, through the country which had yet to stone pave its merchant roads. Naraku was a little behind on the times to simply leave such a thing as a trade route go to veritable ruin.

Not to mention, Miroku was having a bit of trouble navigating us through the foreign country. Wait, better rephrase that as, he was having trouble _bullshitting_ his way as a navigator. The asshole had never stepped foot on Northern soil, contradicting his claim to be such a worldly traveler.

"Bastard. Won't even stop for directions. Safety hazards my ass. He's the one who keeps fucking calling me Lord…"

Not long after nightfall, we reached a rural town, but one still civilized enough to have a fairly large inn.

After I'd had a quick rinse of my clothes in the river (which was pointless, since it started to rain not a moment after I'd stepped out), we headed for the center of town to find shelter for the night.

Walking through the village, I noticed the differences between my land and this one. The homes were built a little lower, and the streets were much wider than back home. Almost every home was built within a few feet of a tree, which was then utilized in some way into the structure. It was rather ingenious for the summertime, as shade was provided from almost all angles; but the taller trees were far enough from the houses so that any snow falling from the boughs in winter would not land on the roofs. I had to admit, I was pretty impressed.

"Not too bad for a trade route hub, eh?" Miroku nudged me as he noticed my observations.

I merely nodded, and turned my attention to getting out of the drizzle. I was tired, hungry and getting pretty annoyed at being so wet.

Stupid mud…

The inn was easy enough to find, and Miroku secured us a room in no time. While it was being set up for us, we ate, and rested ourselves by the fire.

Apparently, Miroku needed very little rest, because the moment a pretty kimono came within a stone's throw, he was back on his feet, with his charm set on high. I barely registered him leaving, and instead concentrated on the half empty dish of sake before me.

It was all starting to hit me now. Just making the plans of finding a wife were easy enough. But now I was out here, actually _doing_ it. I'd journeyed into a place where just being me would probably ensure my speedy execution much to the delight of Naraku, only to woo some female from his court, and therefore unite our lands against his will.

But still, I was prepared to deal with the man. It was the _woman_ I was worried about.

I continued to contemplate my fate, when a curious, sweet smell wafted in the air, as the mat of the door was pushed aside. I listened as someone entered, and the scent only got stronger.

I suddenly noticed that the loud voices of men in the room had hushed somewhat. Then, in the near silence, I heard the golden voice of my lecherous companion.

"My lady, you looked chilled this evening. Might I suggest you remove your-,"

SLAP!

"-wet clothes?"

Another sharp smack rang out, and the other men erupted in a bout of laughter at the monk's well-deserved misfortune.

Glancing up at the host's face, I saw his amused eyes trained on whoever was approaching the long table I sat at. I followed his gaze, and at that moment, I simply froze.

I'm still not exactly sure what happened to me, why I suddenly found it so hard to breathe. But I do remember the way my chest began to burn, the way my mouth went dry and rather slack. I also remember the way my eyes stung as I basically forgot to blink.

I remember that all I could do was stare.

She walked proud, her head held high, brow set in defiance and a hint of annoyance. Large, liquid brown eyes bejeweled a porcelain face, which was framed in turn by long ebony hair. My eyes settled on her lips, full and slightly pink, matching the faint flush on her cheeks from the cold.

As she drew nearer, I looked down over her body, clad in a rather damp white and green kimono, the fabric tightly hugging her attractive curves.

She was walking right towards me.

Suddenly, my heart began to pound, and the wonderful scent I'd noticed before made itself known. It belonged to her…

She was beautiful. Beautiful on a level I'd only held my mother to. That's why I practically ogled her as she sat down next to me.

She gestured wordlessly for the innkeeper to pour her a drink, which he quickly produced. She picked up the dish with little care for grace, and took a long gulp. She set it back down roughly, a few drops of the clear liquid spilling onto the rough wood of the table.

Then she looked right at me.

My only consolation was that Miroku later told me I didn't look half as stupid as I thought I did at that moment. But she'd furrowed her brow nonetheless, and with a rather unladylike snort, asked me,

"What the fuck are you looking at?"

It took another dose of surprise to shock me out of that state, and I immediately wet my mouth, and made a move to answer.

Except nothing came out. I just gawked, my now lowered eyes probably ten times wider than they'd been the first time I'd seen her.

_I could see right through the top of her kimono…_

She followed my gaze downwards, and with a squeak, covered her chest from my sight. Then her head snapped back up, and she shot me an angry glare. I swallowed hard, waiting to see what she'd say.

She didn't say anything; instead, she threw the dish of sake in my face, and stormed past me, towards the door she came in through.

If I'd actually been as human as I looked, my reflexes would have failed me, and I'd of been in complete agony with alcohol in my eyes. Instead, I fell into a sneezing fit, the smell driving my sensitive nose haywire.

"Fucking Bitch!"

I frantically wiped the foul stuff from my face, and jumping to my feet, rushed out the door after her.

Outside, I lifted my face to the falling rain for a second, before scanning the wide empty street for any sign of green and white. I spotted her some ways down, stomping through puddles like some pissed off bull. I followed.

"Oi!"

She didn't reply.

"Oi, Bitch, I'm talking to you!"

She continued on her way, even though I was now only a few feet behind her.

"Stop walking you stupid Bitch, I'm talking to you!"

She did indeed stop, but only to spin around on her heel and take a swing at my face. I just barely caught her wrist before she made contact.

"Let go of me!"

"No, now why the fuck did you throw that shit at me!"

"Fuck you! You were staring at my breasts you fucking pervert!"

I opened my mouth to deny it, but my brain stopped me, realizing I had in fact been staring at them. It wasn't like I could lie about it.

"Well…what the hell is wrong with you? Walking into a damn inn like that, soaking wet and unescorted? You should know better than to-AHH! SHIT!"

Before I could react, she'd brought her knee straight up into my crotch, effectively halting the lecture I'd had in store for her. The last thing I remembered was falling to the ground as waves of pain rolled through my body, and watching her run away into the hazy distance..

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As for the setting, think of a cross between the Middle Ages in the West and the Sengoku Jidai. I don't know jack about ancient Japan, and a lot more about European History, so expect some discrepancy. Then again, settings aren't really the focus of my stories, are they?

Thanks for reading!

Sabichan


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